my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
