u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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