you turned your livingroom into a bong?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
