u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
