"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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