Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
