he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
