Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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