Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
