woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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