I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
