oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
