Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
