But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
