I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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