I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
