They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
