And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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