I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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