Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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