I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
