i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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