I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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