oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
