he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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