My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Are we still banned from the library?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
So vagazzling was a success
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
