Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
