You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
