We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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