how hairy? two words: wookie tits
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
