i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
