i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
