I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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