I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
My underwear smells like fireworks.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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