There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
