if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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