come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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