"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
