I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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