if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
