I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Randomize
