Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
