When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
