wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
