omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
