are you so shy because you have an std?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
