All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
it's like heaven, but drunker
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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