My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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