she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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