I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
